jcscoob Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Got sent this from me mate hope im not offending anyone, coz i know wot its like around here just now !! Ps, PMSL [] Actual council tenants complaints These are genuine clips from British council flat tenants complaining to the council about there flats My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it He’s got this big huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore It’s the dog mess I find hard to swallow I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall Will you please send someone to mend my garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen 50% of the walls are damp 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared Will you please send a man to look at my water it is a funny colour and not fit to drink Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces I want to complain about the farmer across the road every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me The man next door has a large erection in the back garden , which is unsightly and dangerous Our kitchen floor is damp, we have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it I am a single women living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife I have the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can’t get BBC2
G.T. Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 thats disgusting wheres the polis [:@] only kidding thats quality
Gumball Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 "where's the polis" Never far!!! GT did you ask for the polis or the revolving door???[:|]
dougster Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 As Scottish Scoobies Moderator yes............... I now moderate the WHOLE of the SIDC forum. I also have never at anytime ever ever even been near these frequently used and oiled doors that revolve. []
bigbadboab Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I have told my family about all these complaints before. They are soooooo embarrassing[:$] Quality by the way....................................slopes off to get the burberry jeakit[]
ally-b Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 On a similar vein here's some funny insurance claims I've found :- "I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate throught the sun roof." "The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind." "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought." "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket." Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus? The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo. "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard." "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke." "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control." "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight" "I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk." Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan." "First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car." "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo." "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again" "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment." "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention." "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way" "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face" "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car" "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole." "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car." "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident." "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished." "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows." "Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have." "I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it." "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him." "I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident." "As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before." "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian." "My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle." "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull." "I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him." "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him." "I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car." "The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth." "The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end." "The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. " "I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way." "I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before." "When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car." "The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal." "No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert." "I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries." "The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him." "I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact." "The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle." "My car got hit by a submarine." (The Navy informed the wife of a submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base to meet her husband and parked at the end of the slip where the sub was to berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the water. The Navy paid the compensation claim. Al.
sharon_mccall Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 JC and Al, they are so funny. Class! Like this one a lot.......[] "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
iain_spink Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 This really has to be one of the best customer complaints ever written! 57 xxxx Street xxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxx xxx 27-09-01 Dear Cretins, I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office. My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat ar5e waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website…. how? I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived … a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%… these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman…. and several other variations on this theme. Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don’t care, it’s far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought BT were 5hit, that they had attained the holy pi55-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That’s why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn’t anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of ba5tards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - w 4 n k e r s though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver – any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief – although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it’s worthless employees. Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of t w 4 t s, Yours psychotically, Xxxx Xxxxxxx
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now