ScoobySteve69

THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A YORKSHIRE LASS............ > > The first man married a woman from Essex. > > He told her that she > > was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, > > but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes > > washed and put away. > > > > The second man married a woman from Sussex. He gave his wife orders > > that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first > > day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. > > By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and > > there was a huge dinner on the table. > > > > The third man married a lass from Yorkshire . > > He ordered her to keep the house > > cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on > > the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see > > anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, > > some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of > > his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself > > a sandwich and load the dishwasher. > > He still has some difficulty when he pees. > > >

Garage door covers

FAMILY Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses... She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Wa s I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door." _____________________________________ TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME !!! An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard.." He says, "She got in the back-seat by mistake.." _____________________________________ I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!" Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday..." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer." _____________________________________ SUPERSEX A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex.." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup." _____________________________________ ROMANCE An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked.. "To get my teeth!" _____________________________________ DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER 80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces," Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough." _____________________________________ OLD FRIENDS Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?" _____________________________________ SENIOR DRIVING As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman , "It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!" _____________________________________ DRIVING Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?" Please !!!! TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME!!!! **********

Hey Oilguy, you get around

I`m no expert (far from it ) but if I were you I`d save for an STi. You get a stronger engine and a nice 6 speed box with 260 ish as standard

Aaahhh

Try http://www.craigsplates.com/ mate

FMIC? TD05?

I think you`ve hit the nail on the head mate I`ve had mine 2 weeks, seen 2 or 3 and they`ve each waved or nodded Makes me all warm inside

Very nice mate

Well I am getting a remap ...but after reading that i think I`ll stick with the standard setup, maybe just change the panel filter Thanks.

Sorry I can`t help but it looks very nice. I`ve always loved that colour Make sure you HPi it for peace of mind mate

Really? Why mate?

What closed induction systems are available? I had a carbon BMC CDA on my FTO which kept all the hot air out as it should

No, it`s a blobeye. It`s a 2003 on a 52 plate I thought it might have been a bit ambitious with a 310 claim, but I wasn`t sure.....am now though Dunno what they do with the exhaust, all I know is that I absolutely love the noise

Ok, thanks for the replies I was thinking about an induction kit actually What`s the recommended ones?

22 hours

Me too

Should I or shouldn`t I? No offence but I`ve always thought they were regarded as a bit `chavvy`!! Is there any real benefit from having one fitted? Thanks.

Never noticed that, makes it a bit difficult Hope you get it sorted. I`ve seen this a few times on the FTOOC too......bloody scammers!!!

I`d never trust anyone else to touch my car I enjoy doing too much anyway

The `safest` way is to brush Gunk (or similar) where it`s needed and then clean off using lots and lots of rags. This is the way most people on the FTOOC do it. It`s a long winded way but at least you`re not blasting water everywhere And don`t forget before and after pics

If it was me I`d ring the conning t*** up and tell them you know what they`re up to!!!

Or today even