another joke

[Dancing_Homer]

Liverpool manager Gerard Houllier sends scouts out round the World

looking for a new striker to replace Emile Heskey and hopefully win Liverpool the title.

One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will

turn out to be a true superstar. So Gerard flies to Iraq to watch him and

is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down at home to Man Utd with only 20

minutes left. Houllier gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on and he

takes off Emile Heskey.

The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool.

The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and

the media love the new star.

When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum to tell her about his

first day in English football.

"Hi Mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were

4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the players

and the media, they all love me".

"Great," says his Mum, "let me tell you about my day. Your father got

shot in the street, your sister and I were raped and beaten and your brother

has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time".

The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, but I'm so sorry".

"Sorry!" says his Mum, "It's your bloody fault that we moved to Liverpool in

the first place!"

Apologies to any scousers, its a great city

[Cooldad]

LOL

Nice one!

[kipper]

pmsl

[Stu813]

What - no shell suits???

Brilliant

[CustomScoobyIOM]

Hey calm down calm down eh!

[jon_hutton]

On the same subject...........

It has just been announced that the Ferrari Formula 1 Team fired their entire Pit Crew yesterday. The action followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British Government's Work for the Dole Scheme and hire unemployed youths from Liverpool.

The decision was brought on by a recent documentary on how unemployed Scousers were able to remove a set of car wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do It in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high-tech gear. This was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Ferrari management. As most F1 races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari are seen to now have a massive advantage over every other team.

Ferrari got more than they bargained for, however, during the Scouse Crew's first practice session. Not only were they able to change the tyres in under 6 seconds but within 12 seconds they had also resprayed, rebadged, and sold the vehicle to the McLaren Team for four dozen cans of Special Brew, a gram of Coke and a quick shufty at Coulthard's bird in the shower.

[glen_meldrum]

An Scouser was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was

"Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."