A guy just called me up and said "I'm going to come round and cut the bottoms off your trousers and put them in a library".
I said, "Well, thats a turn-up for the books!"
----------------------------------------------------------
I went into the chinese take-away last night and a duck jumped up onto the counter with a rose in it's mouth, and said to me "I love the sparkle in your eyes".
I sighed and said, "No, i asked for AROMATIC duck!"