karps

A woman sitting in an Australian restaurant suddenly began to cough. After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two locals, Kenzie and Brian sitting at the next table turned to look at her. Kin ya swaller? asked Kenzie The woman signalled 'No!', desperately shaking her head. Kin ya breathe?" asked Brian. The woman shook her head No!!! With that, Kenzie walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her ar*e. This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again. Kenzie swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer. Brian turned to his mate said in admiration "Ya know Kenzie, I'd heard of that bloody Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it."

Copyed from another forum Street ‘n’ Strip 06 – 26th Feb 06 Bathgate Sports ArenaFollowing the huge success of Street ‘N’ Strip 04 we are staging the event again this year with more displays and an even wider selection of vehicles from all sectors. Street ‘N’ Strip is unique as it’s arranged by total petrolheads for total petrolheads. This ensures a fantastic selection of cars from the many car clubs and cruises on display and this year we are including a load of other motorsport areas with representatives from rallysport, drift, grasstrack, oval circuit, offroad, touring etc as well as some just plain bonkers machines. We will have our usual krazy audio and now DVD installs so it won’t just be the sound of growling engines but some cool sounds as well. Add to this a selection of trade stands with amazing show offers and all the goodies you could ever want. Overall Street ‘N’ Strip has something for everyone. The venue has reasonable parking for a few hundred cars, although we would recommend car sharing to reduce congestion. The Sports Centre has a cafeteria, outdoor kids play area and an indoor soft play area (limited spaces). Advanced Booking: Adult: £5 per person Concession: £2 per person Children under 5 are Free Tickets purchased on the day: Adult: £6 per person Concession: £3 per person Children under 5 are Free Tickets can be purchased in advance from the following, Paypal: xsmotorsport@hotmail.com (Please include £0.50 for Administration Charges) Include your name, address and number of tickets you would like. Cheque/Postal Order: Payable to XS Motorsport Ltd, send to the below address Visit: XS Motorsport Ltd, Portland Place, Hamilton, ML3 7JX

Its empty at present claire but i might dae a wee bit this weekend []

what!!!! you mean there will be talent there?[] i didnt realise []

aye []

good luck grant and keep a listen out for me driving down auchinairn road []

been here for years and i still only got wan baw (never noticed i was missin one before)

nah it wisnae me i was still pi$$ed from the wedding on saturday [D]

Not just a new forum, My daughter is getting married today [] I know, you all didnt think i looked auld enough for that did you [] Scoobies for wedding cars (thanks ed) should turn a few heads.

congrats on the new arrival to you both and glad your all ok.

DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead. CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a p*ss before the film starts. RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place. DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements. RED WINE DRINKERS Worried that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night of drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains. SOLDIERS Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial tomfoolery after a trip to Trueprint. MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again. BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking Out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you. EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin. MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it. GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail. BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching. BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time. ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness. DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way. PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again. CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat. MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea. JEREMY Beadle When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks. SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day. SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside. BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan. ALCOHOLICS don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices. McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.

feckin hope not Davie

try swiftcover.com i got a good deal there

and there was me thinking you were older than that Happy birthday m8

<< Nobody seems to want to let you out at busy junctions etc. >> Never have a problem with that in fact they tend to always let me out. The fact that as soon as you say its a subaru the price for anything doubles

its lost its burble plenty of torque, steering takes a bit of getting used to, seats are shat, they have skimped on the dash lights (both red and green ffs) so im still not sure if i will rush out and buy one

<< when we getting a shot then Gav?? >> Been there done that

saw it this morning when i dropped mine off for a service. Looks just like mine

i would suggest using a magnetic screwdriver for the 2 screws at the back

had a look, but i canny figure out the way to fit them without drilling holes

used a hairdryer on mine and managed no problem. The hardest bit was gettin the lights out cos of the footery screws but patience is a virtue lol

what not to do on a date

I touch goats

A very happy new year to everyone. Noel

A very merry xmas to one and all