Classic Scoobynet Post (pslewis) on "anal" oil change procedure

[wrxmania]

The Oil Change according to the Old Ladies on here (scoobynet):-

1. Remove Oil Filler Cap, 'gently' - take at least 5 minutes or the threads will strip and the exhaust will fall off in a weeks time.

2. Carefully jack up the front of car, make sure that only the 'special' car jacking points are used or the steering wheel will be upside down next time you see it (the special jack points are only known to a select few, not the main dealers!)

3. Locate the Sump Plug, do this using an Inspection Lamp with a 100W bulb - do not, under any circumstances, use a bulb of lower wattage or the splash cover under the engine will melt and pieces will be sucked up into the MAF and then immediate engine failure will occur.

4. Undo Sump Plug whilst humming 'Oil Be Home For Xmas' - do NOT sing any other song or the Radio will never tune into any local stations again and the aerial will need to be replaced at the next service.

5. Allow Oil to drain into a Tupperware Perspex Jug - use only perspex as other plastics react with the old oil and particles travel back through the draining oil and attack the Big-End Bearings.

6. Whilst Oil is draining run around car 15 times in a Morris Dancing Outfit with the special Subaru bells attached to shoes.

7. Remove Oil Filter by unscrewing anti-clockwise 5 times, then clockwise 2 times, continue until filter is free ..... failure to do this will result in the new Filter not filling up with Oil on start-up.

8. Fill Oil Filter with Oil and screw new Oil Filter on and replace Sump Plug - there is some discussion about the order that these need to be replaced, many an evening in a B.O. smelling corner of a dark pub has been spent mulling over the merits of both choices ..... there is a 'special' way, but we are not sure what it is yet.

9. Start filling the engine with Oil - Synthetic only please!! and of course, Subarus need 'special' Oil - Mobil made a 'special' Oil just for us!!

10. Now it gets complicated, the engine start procedure ...... remove the spark plugs, coil packs and battery - remove the seats and rear boot/tailgate - ensure Octane Booster is removed from tank as it might spontaneously start the car when you are not ready - take the drive belts off - turn engine over, s....l....o....w....l....y - engine should be turned over at least 67 times to ensure adequate Oil film coverage.

11. Return all components and start engine whilst whistling the theme tune to TITANIC ................ if you are VERY lucky the engine will not shoot a con-rod through the block (this normally happens to MY96 cars which are MicaPink in colour) - but ALL Model Years can be affected equally as bad.

12. If the engine started without any problems, then don't be smug as the MAF sensor will blow up your engine within 3 days in any case!!!!!

OR, do as the Main Dealers do:-

Change Oil - start engine - check for Oil drips - return to customer!!

[the squiggle]

I do like PSLewis and his sense of humour.

Makes the visit to SN worthwhile when he starts to noise up the newbies.

The guy is still on his original brake pads after 78.000 miles and proud of it

Grant

[st3ph3n]

He really is an expert fisherman. He must have caught hundreds, if not thousands, with his windups.

At least I do hope he's just a windup merchant.

[Oilman]

He's amusing but dangerous IMHO.

Cheers

Simon

[Marky-San]

<< He's amusing but dangerous IMHO. Cheers Simon >>

Yeah, I agree with that.  He could easily offend newbies so they dont come back (and most likely has done).  However, he does write so good stuff.

[wrxmania]

BTTT

[Scooby Dooby Blue]

Classic Pete!

Some of the gold wheel threads are priceless too