Two IT guys were chatting in a bar after work. "Guess what, mate,"
> says the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in
> a bar." "What did you do?" says the other IT guy. "Well, I invited her
> over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and
> then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off." "You're
> kidding me!" says the second IT guy. "I took her miniskirt off, and
> then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop."
> "Really? You got a new laptop?"
>
> ======
>
> A Greek parks his brand new BMW in front of the office to show it off
> to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car a truck comes
> speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before
> speeding off.
>
> More than a little distraught, the Greek grabs his mobile and calls
> the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the
> policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the Greek starts
> screaming hysterically "My BMW, my beautiful black BMW is ruined! No
> matter how long at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same
> again!"
>
> After the Greek finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his
> head in disgust: "I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Greeks
> are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you
> don't notice anything else in your life." "How can you say such a
> thing at a time like this?" snaps the Greek.
>
> The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was
> torn off when the truck hit you?" The Greek looks down in absolute
> horror: "F**king HELL!!!!!! He screams... "Where's my f**king
> Rolex????"
>
> ====
> A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He
> says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100
> dollars?"
>
> "Are you nuts?!!" she replies and keeps walking away. He turns around,
> runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
>
> "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks
> again. "Listen, you! I'm not that kind of woman! Got it???!!!"
>
> So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you
> let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"
>
> She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmm. $10,000 dollars, eh?
> Okay, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over
> there."
>
> So they go into the alley where she takes off her blouse to reveal the
> most beautiful, perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them
> he grabs them, starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing
> them, licking them, burying his face in them... but not biting them.
>
> The woman finally gets very annoyed and asks, "Hey!!! Are you gonna
> bite them or not!!?" "Nah", he replies. "Costs too much!"