scoobykev Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 The Man Rules Finally , the guys' side of the story. We always hear " the rules " From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE! 1.. Men are NOT mind readers. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Crying is blackmail.. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one 1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really . 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. Link to comment
RA Dunk Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 a few more!! > How do you turn a fox into an elephant? > > Marry It! > > > What is the difference between a battery and a woman? > > A battery has a positive side. > > > What are the three fastest means of communication? > > 1) Internet > > 2) Telephone > > 3) Telawoman > > > How are fat girls and mopeds alike? > > They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. > > > How do you piss off a female archaeologist?? > > Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from. > > > How is a woman like a condom? > > Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick. > > > What should you give a woman who ha s everything? > > A man to show her how to work it. > > > Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a >waist? > > Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there. > > > How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? > > Put a nipple on it. > > > Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? > > Because they don't have balls to scratch. > > > Why did God create woman ? > > To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet. > > > Why do women fake orgasms ? > > Because they think men care. > > > What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? > > Nothing, she's been told twice already. > > > If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have > > you done wrong? > > Made her chain too long > > > How many men does it take to open a beer? > > None. It should be opened when she brings it. > > > Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? > > Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably > > never be able to support you. > > > Why do women have smaller feet than men? > > It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer > > to the kitchen sink. > > > How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? > > When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...' > > > How do you fix a woman's watch? > > You don't. There is a clock on the oven. > > > Why do men pass gas more than women? > > Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required > > pressure. > > > If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the > > front door, who do you let in first? > > The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. > > > What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? > > A woman who won't do what she's told > > > I married a Miss Right. > > I just didn't know her first name was Always. > > > Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by > > 90%. > > It's called a Wedding Cake. > > > Why do men die before their wives? > > They want to. > > > Women will never be equal to men... > > until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and > > still think they are sexy. > > > In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. > > Then God created Man and rested. > > Then God created Woman. > > Since then, neither God nor Man has rested Link to comment
scooby doom Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Some gems in there and my mates thought so too. Link to comment
W88CHY Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Some crackers, but I dare not show the Mrs......or I would be sleeping in the garage lol Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now