Threat Level Categories.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Following recent Terrorist attacks in the <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />UK, the French government
today announced a raise in its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide."
The normal level is "General Arrogance," and the only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory,
effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy
has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain, "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdain" to "Dress
in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They have two higher levels:
"Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Seeing this reaction in continental Europe, the Americans have gone
from "Isolationism" to "Find another Oil-rich Nation for Regime Change."
Their remaining higher alert states are "Attack Random Countries
(Ideally Those without Any Credible Military)" and "Beg the British for Help."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
The British are also feeling the pinch in relation to the recent
bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940, when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "Dashed Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Dashed Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.[]
