Scottish Scoobies & Internal Conflict >> 2006 is looming .....

[~ ~ Cal ~~]

I've never seen a forum like it......so lets hit the nail on the head, eliminate the problem before we get even more fragmented looking like amateur night in the process......2006 can be a fresh one for us

See points below for inspiration ( i don't recommend we adhere to them so it's just food for thought)

And yes.......it's a cut and paste ! And before the West Coast folk wonder why i never go to the West Coast meets it's cos I'm "outta town" during the week. I do go to the tranquil ones in ABZ where none of this seems to occur...You can argue that I'm a relative newbie and don't know the history but i don't care. All I want is harmony and to find myself wanting to pay £30 to be a part of a real drivers club.

If this pish continues it'll be like a scene outta Braveheart up @ The Lecht this weekend. incidentally, I won't be there as I'm moving house.

I think we can jump straight to section 3 below

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Here are seven steps people can use to resolve conflicts :-

1. Treat the other person(s) with respect

Although respecting the other person(s) during a conflict is challenging, we must try . Words of disrespect block communication and may create wounds that may never heal. Use your willpower to treat the other person as a person of worth and as an equal.

2. Confront the problem

Find a time and place to discuss the conflict with the other person. Choose a time when you aren't arguing or angry. The place should be comfortable for both of you -- away from either party's "turf." The Lecht sounds perfect

3. Define the conflict

Describe the conflict in clear, concrete terms. Be specific when answering the who, what, when, where, and why questions.

Describe behaviors, feelings, consequences, and desired changes. Be specific and start sentences with "I," not "you."

Focus on behaviors or problems, not people.

Define the conflict as a problem for both of you to solve together, not a battle to be won.

4. Communicate understanding

Listen to really understand the other person's feelings, needs, and so forth.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Step back and try to imagine how the other person sees things.

Explain how you see the problem after you have talked about it Discuss any changes you have made in the way you see things or how you feel.

5. Explore alternative solutions

Take turns offering alternative solutions. List them all

Be nonjudgmental of other's ideas.

Examine consequences of each solution.

Think and talk positively.

6. Agree on the most workable solution

Agree to a solution you both understand and can live with.

Work to find a "win-win" solution.

Be committed to resolving the conflict.

7. Evaluate after time

Work out a way to check on how well the solution is working. Adjust the resolution when necessary.

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Okay so the above is but touchy feely but you get the jist.......

Even if there are no replies I hope that simply reading this will bring back the squadron spirit !

Comments are also welcome for ideas for 2006 ? What about a Scottish Scoobies TOTB ?

Remember that what yout type can be interpreted numerous ways so be gentle

Maybe we don't even have a real problem ? But the ill feeling in the forum is evident and is so depressing.

Cheers

Koffee Anan

p.s I don't feel like I'm in any cliques of any sort so i feel well placed to be impartial amongst these bad vibes. All I want is to not have to log on and read any depressing stuff. I DO NOT take sides with anyone as all I do is type & drive in this club......

p.p.s have i missed something with this SLF patter ? ( I don't mean this in a derogatory way.....just curious )

[ScoobyAndy]

Well said Cal.

Hopefully everyone will take note of what youve said.

[andy]

<< If this pish continues it'll be like a scene outta Braveheart up @ The Lecht this weekend. >>

Laying my cards on the table as a "meet virgin" this coming weekend, I've really been looking forward to it for ages. I'll admit that thread did put me off a bit to start with when I read it, but then thought "sod it". I'm not into politics, fighting or any of that crap.

The Gummybear has put a lot of effort into organising this weekend, I was one of the first to commit to it, offering to take photos, and I'll be there.*

(*Disclaimer: Assuming Grieve's don't tell me there's any serious problem with the Scoob when it's in for it's 30k on Friday!)

[weeb]

well said, subaru and other driving issues and friendly humour is what we want to continue. arguments and disagreements are for outwith the forum!!!

I enjoy using the forum and being a member of the club.

[Gumball]

i understand where the post was coming from.

theres nithing worse than feeling left out of things in the club and i think MOST people have at some point if they are honest felt left out of a certain group. some people dont mind, some people do.

theres so many people now that like to do very similar things. when the goal posts get moved or 2 people have a row, all the associates seem to as well. very daft i agree.

we are mostly all blokes and there is a certain amount of whos is bigger!! faster !! shinier !! different.

lets just all get on and avoid the fistycuffs that WILL happen eventually. its just a matter of time if it goes on.

advice from the the man with more previous than andy F's mirror

DONT POST WHEN YOUR ANGRY FOR WHATEVER REASON

I SUGGETS THAT ON SUNDAY AND AT THE NEXT MEET, YOU TALK TO ONE PERSON YOU HAVENT BEFORE.this will eradicate the clique opinion and also the daft comments on the SLF.

[zeolite]

Easy there Hoss.

Cal. I appreciate what you are saying but I think the problem is somewhat exaggerated. Can you understand that posts like yours, however well intentioned, can scare people off? Andywrx's response proves that point I think.

It certainly is not the worst forum by a long shot. Should have seen the hassle I got on a fishing forum for eating a salmon. This is place is full of friendly folks who like scoobs and cars in general. that is all you need to know.

[sharon_mccall]

I agree with what your sayin Gumball.

Maybe we can all wear badges on Sunday wi our names on so peeps can approach others without feeling too embarassed.

[the squiggle]

but on that point can someone explain to me in plain english

What the hell this SLF thing is all about?

Grant

[ScoobyAndy]

<< but on that point can someone explain to me in plain english

What the hell this SLF thing is all about?

Grant >>

Thats what i was wondering too

[the squiggle]

Can we use this thread as some sort of open thread and people can give thier opinions on what cliques they think are developing, what the hell the SLF is all about and why does a member have a signature stating "rumours are fun", they are not fun when the are derogatory and when you are on the receiving end of the rumour.

I caused a rumpus a while ago with some misplaced comments about the Max Power brigade. I sent an apology to the persons i offended with my comments and in turn i recieved a reply a 3 year old would have been proud of.

I tried to ease relations but was told to "Deal with it". I am dealing with it in the way i feal most comfortable

Grant

[zeolite]

Grant...I know what you are saying but it is probably best if we let the past stay the past m8. I have every sympathy with you about this but I think it is best to keep the troll under the bridge so to speak.

lets go forward eh?

[andy]

<< Andywrx's response proves that point I think. >>

Cal's thread is good. It gave me the outlet to speak my mind without getting involved in the original and possibly stirring up more crap. I wanted to say something, but thought posting there would add fuel to the fire (which seems, thankfully!, to have died).

[p1ggm]

i dont know whats going on, have i missed something??

the last time i was at crail i make the effort to talk to people when i am waiting in the que etc, its all part of the banter, althou some folks just leave the window up and ignore you, thats fair enough if they take it that serious

[wilky]

Having confronted many a conflict head on, on these threads and being a person who will always stand up and say"Im wrong! Sorry!"

when I jump the gun or post when drunk and make an erse of myself I can smell what Cal is cooking. But I can also support Zeolites

comments. There is bound to be disagreements, niff naff and trivia, power struggles and what looks like cliques in any club. You just have

to stand in the WO and Sgts Mess of any regiment to see exactley the same things.

However, blatent goading, rumourmongering and deliberately posting to upset or discredit others who are more often than not acting in

the clubs best interest, will never help matters. I think we all know who or whom I am talking about here. (Not u Ricey, relax)

My modus Operendi has been and will be from now on to ignore this type of childish behaviour and to concentrate on people who are not

doing it to cause ruptions.

Cliques are always going exsist, 9 times out of 10 they are harmless but those who want to be in with a bunch, and arent are bound to

feel left out, its human nature. As a man who often works alone I can say when I return to places with cliques I feel sometimes left out,

but as I have said its human nature and no malice is intended, its just the way god made us.

If someone goes out thier way to upset the apple cart, ignore them or expose them for what they are.

Thats my view, I like you all and make an effort to at least say hi when we are all humping the same goat.

In recent times a close friend was the subject of a very untrue and hurtful rumour, its water under the bridge now but at the time it was

very hard for him to handle, another gets targeted for his general outspokeness, which once again is human nature, but we must guard

against all of the aforementioned stuff or we will decend into the mire we experienced last year.

As yer faither I would like everyone to embrace what I have said and screw the nut as far as conflicts are concerned,

I like this club and I like all of you or if you prefere thye plural, youz.

So there!

Callum W

[sharon_mccall]

well said that man, round of applause from me!

[scoobymadburd]

Grant i think you are mistaken one members signature saying rumours are fun as that was a joke that has tailed from a recent meet nothing to do about u infact. I think people r taking it to personal in some ways which is just being pure paranoid. TBH

As for the clique thing well it is there and would be nice if people could talk to others and sort their own differences and not post nasty comments about other members or whisper behind their back at meets just because their car is not in the max power calendar i quote "like thats something to be proud of." I heard it. Luckily i did not come home from that meet and start posting up about what that person has done.

Its time to start sorting the differences and having a happy jolly forum again Roll on the santa cruise

Claire

PS SLF means Scooby Liberation Front

[billyboy]

SCOOBY LIBERATION FRONT

Thats what SLF means guys.

It was banded about a while back because of the same reasons as now CLIQUES.

Some people wanted to go and do their own thing and this was the chosen name.

I myself banded it about for a laff even Dougster had a pop at me wanting to know how i became the self appointed liberator

as he put it.

Nothing came of it it was a laff.

However i know who brought it up again so please ignore it.

As for in house cliques,back stabbing etc etc yes it is time it stopped.

But how do we do that?

Answers on this thread please.

Billy

[scoobymadburd]

Not let cliques sit together LOL I do apologise for laughing but that is the only way to stop it and then for that to happen it would need to b pointed out who the cliques may be

Claire

[paddy247]

I dont know wot to say here that hasnt already been said,

I had a good time at crail the other day, and recieved a warm reception from everybody i spoke to,

Cheers Guys

[sharon_mccall]

A huge "group hug" for a start

LOL

[andy]

I would just like to add, for the record, I'm not in any clique. I've met Gumball once about 9 months ago and am still in therapy

[scoobymadburd]

I admire Cal for starting this thread and trying to sort out the conflict Well done

Claire

[craig mac]

Guys

I dont know what all the Cr4p is about But hey

We are all suppossed to be adults are we not? What ever is simmering under all this Lets try and leave it be eh?

There seem to be a lot of very sensitive flowers out here on SIDC, some of it looks like a kids forum not a Subaru Impreza forum

We are all going to come together at the Lecht on Sunday for a LAUGH lets remember there will be wives, girlfriends and kids there.

I know a few of the old school who are on here from my last Scooby owning era and they KNOW me, and there are a lot of new name on here also but i have never seen the likes of this before

Imagine you were a newbie coming along on Sunday... Or a newbie reading all this bull you would not really be eager and keen to come along and or get involved would you?.....

Please Lets grow the forum/club......... not Kill it!

Ps

rant over and looking forward to a great day on Sunday thanks to Gumball !!

[micra_wrc]

<< Not let cliques sit together LOL I do apologise for laughing but that is the only way to stop it and then for that to happen it would need to b pointed out who the cliques may be

Claire >>

i dont see what the fuss re cliques is about TBH

what some folk call 'cliques' is what i think of as folk with mutual interests speaking to other folk with mutual interests.

do you think that not letting friends within the community sit together at meets is the solution?

also, I also want to point out that what seen by one as gossiping/having a laugh can be misinterpreted by others if repeated out of context and these problems will keep recurring every couple of months if attitudes dont change.

[scoobymadburd]

I want to point out what i heard and that person was sniggling just becasue the wagon is in the max power claendar, i heard it with my own ears Imy. So is gumballs car in the calendar go slag him off and talk behind his back but that wont happen.

The cliques has to be removed its important as its causing this agro to the club. all im saying is dont sit in the usual groups all the time spread yourself out meet new people etc. I understand it cant happen all the time cos its not possible but surely everyone can make an effort

Claire