O/T Tommy Cooper was God!!

[ANDYJDMSTI]

Seeing that you are all sad about msn here are afew classics from the funniest man ever.................enjoy!!!

Tommy Cooper was God.....

1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of

them would have seen it.

2

. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press

the hash key..."

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The

shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find

any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he

couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too

high."

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,

"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you

can't, I've cut your arms off".

8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft,

it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat

it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with

hvndreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to

the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give

you some cream to put on it."

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That's like

Tom Jones syndrome. ' Is it common? ' "It's not unusual."

13. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there

anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at

him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?, Because he's

cross-eyed? ""No, because he's really heavy"

14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my

backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."

15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me

a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,go for it.'

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people

in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my

older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its

Colin.

19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."The other

one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"

20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and

the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They

left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'

22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several

places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"

23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small

two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue

workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as

digging continues into the night

[scoobykev]

The man has never been bettered

pure genius

[colin_ross]

2 cannibals were eating a clown, one turns to the other and says does this taste funny to you?

What did one snowman say to the other snowman? You smell carrots?

[oobster]

A guy just called me up and said "I'm going to come round and cut the bottoms off your trousers and put them in a library".

I said, "Well, thats a turn-up for the books!"

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I went into the chinese take-away last night and a duck jumped up onto the counter with a rose in it's mouth, and said to me "I love the sparkle in your eyes".

I sighed and said, "No, i asked for AROMATIC duck!"

[wrxmania]

Oh dear