Is this the finest car advert evr?

[zeolite]

Found on another forum

VW POLO for sale!

Poor fools,

I fear you will be unable to resist the allure of what is surely the

finest automobile ever to have the registration number M254 BRP.

For 10 years this Volkswagen Polo CL Coupé has graced the roads of the

United Kingdom, in the careful and capable hands of a multitude of

proud owners, at least one of which has been under the age of 65.

For 116000 joyous miles, its lively and torquey 1272cc petroleum motor

has reliably pumped out slightly in excess of 50bhp, whilst delivering

on average 42Mpg.

You want this car.

It was purchased by its current owner 20 months and 22000 miles ago

for £500. Since then it has had an exciting life to say the least.

Exactly what a car needs, if you ask me. Soundly thrashed from pillar

to post, from ditch to deer, from yump to sump (eh?), it still begs

for more. It loves it.

It's just completed an epic trip to the four corners of this fine

island without so much as a whimper. It made it from Edinburgh to

Plymouth in 7.5 hours. How? No one knows... But whether it was

down to good maintenance or black magic, it did it all the same.

You know you want this car.

BAD NEWS

But I'll be honest. I'm an honest guy. It's not quite what you might

call a Polo 'mint'. Here's what's wrong with it that I'm aware of:

- There's 'something funny' about the front suspension. It makes

nasty noises at slow speeds when it's under load in certain

directions. It's done that since it had a impact against a bank on a

very snowy rally in Fife last February. It's passed an MoT like that,

and hasn't got any worse since. Hmmm... Top mount? I don't know.

- I hit a baby deer. I done hit it good, paw. But it managed to

break some bits of the front left of my car while it enjoyed it final

breath, god bless it. The bits have been replaced, except the wing.

And the bonnet.

- The exhausts a bit leaky at the manifold-downpipe gasket. S'not too

bad though. Easy fixed, probably. But it doesn't bother me, so I

don't bother it.

- It has a few rusty bits. Don't we all.

And here's some more general bad things:

- The handbrake's rubbish

- It doesn't really 'handle'. Not in the conventional sense anyway.

- The boot's tiny, and there ain't much space in the back.

- The brakes are bad. All Polos are like that.

- It's white. Except below the trim, where it's black. It should be

white, but it's not. Someone painted it.

GOOD NEWS:

Here's some bit's that have been replaced since I've owned it:

- plugs, dizzy & HT leads

- timing belt

- brake pipes

- rear brakes (all but the drums themselves) (about 5000 miles ago)

- front pads (about 4000 miles ago)

- front springs (about 8000 miles ago)

- rear springs and shocks (Nice Bilstein ones - about 8000 miles ago)

- rear bearings

- exhaust middle section (other sections are still OK)

- thermostat

- wiper blades, a few weeks ago.

...there's loads more, but I'll never remember them all.

Here's some more good things:

- It has decent tyres all round (including spare) - Pirelli P3000s.

The fronts are about 8 weeks old. I've got a couple of spare tyres on

rims too.

- It's taxed and tested 'till the end of Feb.

- It's had frequent oil changes. I've done five on it. Apparently

these old engines like that.

- On the subject of oil... It doesn't seem to use any. Hardly ever.

The level always seems about the same on the dipstick, and I never

have to top it up.

- It never ever ever EVER overheats or runs cool. The needle just

rises to temperature and sits there. It's downright dull.

- It's cheap to insure, and it's in a cheap tax bracket.

- It's got driving lamps attached, which turn night into day (almost).

- It's simple to work on, and parts are cheap. There's loads of them

at the breakers yards (I wonder why?...)

- You can tell people you own a coupé.

- It just works! Despite what I've put it through. It's starts all

the time, it drives in a straight line, it brakes in a straight line,

the clutch clutches, the gears gear (5 fwd, 1 rev), the heater heats

and the radiator radiates! It's efficient - it's German! I'm

trusting it to take me home for Xmas tomorrow: north through the

Cairngorms in the depths of winter. I know it'll make it, too.

If you're a skint student, this car is for you. If you want a

piece-of-crap car to drive to the shops or to work, this car is for

you. If you want a car to push off a cliff, this car fits the bill!

Hell, you could even do rallys in it! Oh go on. Just buy it for a

laugh!

So, who wants it? Go on, make me an offer. I'll give you clue - I

don't expect to get what I paid for it. No where near. Now don't be

scared...

Reason for sale - where I'm going, they don't have roads

[spooks]

I tell you what thats hilarious, when I sell my car Im getting this guy to sell it for me ......... sheer class.

You know you want it

Spooks

[SEEVERS]

Pi**ing myself reading this....Quality.

[craigdmcd]

Obviously a far better salesman than any Reg Vardy site. Did he offer 5 years interest free credit?

[gordon_kerr]

very good!!!!!!!!

[zeolite]

My favourite bit "the clutch clutches, the gears gear (5 fwd, 1 rev), the heater heats

and the radiator radiates!"

[C J K]

The exhausts a bit leaky at the manifold-downpipe gasket. S'not too

bad though. Easy fixed, probably. But it doesn't bother me, so I

don't bother it.

Easy fixed, probably. But it doesn't bother me, so I don't bother it.

[dave_morgan]

Class !!

[Johnny50]

Dave, thats where you're going wrong with the sale of the Skyline....

just not enought info !!