Lol

[RA Dunk]

Two Aberdonian farmers, Tam and Shuie, are sitting in the Farmers Bar.

Tam turns to Shuie and says, "Ye ken fit? I'm tired o' gan through life withoot an education. I'morn, I think I'll ging doon to the community college and sign up fir some classes."

Shuie thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day Tam goes down to the college and meets the Lecturer, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Maths, English, History and Logic.

"Logic?" Tam says. "Fit's at?"

The Lecturer says, "I'll show you. Do you own a Strimmer?"

"Aye"

"Then logically because you own a Strimmer, I think that you have a Garden?"

"That's true, I dee huv a Gerden."

"I'm not done," the Lecturer says. "Because you have a Garden, I think logically that you would have a house."

"Aye, I dee huv a hoose."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

"I huv a femily."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."

"Yer nae wrang!! I dee huv a wife!!"

"And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a heterosexual?"

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazin'!! You were able to find a' that oot, jist 'cos I huv a strimmer."

Excited to take the class now, Tam shakes the Lecturer's hand and leaves to meet Shuie at the pub.

He tells Shuie about his classes, how he is signed up for Maths, English, History and Logic.

"Logic?" Shuie says, "Fit's at?"

Tam says, "I'll tell ye. Di ye huv a strimmer?"

"No."

"Well then, yer a poof."

[Midnight21]

[thefastone]

I dont have a strimmer.....

[RA Dunk]

I dont have a strimmer.....

poof?

[thefastone]

[cullenmin]

poof?

He must be, I mean who doesnt have a strimmer

[emoe]

Logic tells me that seeing as you dont have a strimmer, then you must live is an autonomous society that degrades its citizens with extortionate taxes and hypocryical views, nazi communistic laws and power hungry money greedy heads of state that sap the pure essence of being Human. How does logic tell me this? because you cant AFFORD a strimmer

[wilky]

Logic tells me that seeing as you dont have a strimmer, then you must live is an autonomous society that degrades its citizens with extortionate taxes and hypocryical views, nazi communistic laws and power hungry money greedy heads of state that sap the pure essence of being Human. How does logic tell me this? because you cant AFFORD a strimmer

Logic tells me your a fruitcake!

[RA Dunk]

one p***3d off cat

never seen a cat look so wicked before lol

[cullenmin]

never seen a cat look so wicked before lol

thats coz theyre all pussies

[RA Dunk]

New Rules

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW(Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:

Special High Intensity Training (****). We take pride in the amount of **** our employees receive. We have given our employees more **** than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough **** on the job, see your immediate supervisor.

Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the **** you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

[graeme_mcfarlane]

one p***3d off cat

never seen a cat look so wicked before lol

I don't know why but I was in tears with laughter when I saw that

[RA Dunk]

so was i, thats by far the most f****d off cat ive ever seen, he actually does look like hes about to make somebody have a very bad day

[emoe]

so was i, thats by far the most f****d off cat ive ever seen, he actually does look like hes about to make somebody have a very bad day

Every time i see that picture i imagine the cat saying

Whatchoo fuggin lookin at???

[micra_wrc]

lovin the cat picture

totally looks like how the guy I work beside feels today....... he's NOT been having a good day PMSL

Edited February 4, 2009 by micra_wrc