goose8789

As there is a complaint that the jokes are not very good - heres a better one! X RATED JOKE ALERT!!!! lol. This youg guy gets locked up in a cell with a big bruiser skin head male after a totting up conviction. Big bruiser says " hey how about playing a game - wot about Doctors and Nurses and i'll be the Doctor ?" young guy thinks - oh shit, if hes gonna be the Doctor he will want to try and have sex with me. young guy quickly suggests ! "how about Mummies and Daddies and i'll be the Daddy?!" (that way if im the daddy he wont want to sh*g me ) The big bruiser say " ok then - come a suck mummies big c**k!! "

3 guys lying in a morgue each with smiles on their faces the morgue attendand walks in with a new start who asks "why is no1 smiling" the attendant replies " he won the lottery but all the excitment gave him heart attack" " i see" said the new start "why is no,2 smiling then?" Attendant says, "he had a heart attack while on the job!" "why has no3 got a smile on his face ?" attendant said he was hit by lightning! "smiling after being hit by lightning ???" yeah says the attendant " he was a bit simple and thought he was getting his photo taken!" doh!

Number plates is a touchy subject with some of my colleages! I work in a Government Organisation providing a 24/7 public service protecting life and property ( you can work that one out for yourself ! ) Just over 12 months back a new law was stipulated regarding number plates, any new plate produced from a dealer, car shop etc must be of the standard size and MUST have the name AND postcode of the company who made the plate for you. The company must also keep records which will be checked by bodies such as DOT/DVLA There was also a debate regarding the euro logo on the plate -especially if you wanted SCO (scotland) to emphasise your own Country. Personally i have SCO along with St Georges flag on mine which is legal meantime but still under debate by the Commons. With all due respect, i dont give a shit what Tony Blair says is right or wrong - its a flaming number plate with my Countrys flag on it, big deal. Its not racist. The commons wants everyone to be British, not English or Scottish. One thing that will get you pulled by the boys in blue is plates that have weird shaped letters that are difficult to read and private plates where the letters are spread about to augment a name ! In regards to smaller plates on Jap imports - im not sure, but i will look into that one. Hope these brief details are helpful. Keith

Its a nice dry day so you wash your power house then with lots of elbow grease you apply a covering of polish - wow, what a shine! BUT after a few days the shine dulls, huh I've tried polishes such as Turtle Wax, Silicon polish, Comma, Zymol and im now on Simoniz Teflon which i quite like, but the shine eventualy dulls away Has anyone tried the teflon based TOUGHSEAL ? I heard you never need to polish your car again for 5 years after this stuff is applied! I believe Ultrabrite is much the same. Is anyone using TOUGHSEAL or indeed an amazing polish they would like to tell us about ?? Keith

Being a borders guy living near to Hawick, morale is really low here after yesterdays accident. Our hearts and thoughts go out to Steve's Family.

Hi! Im Looking for a bit advice on this one. Im thinking about setting up a part time business repairing and refurbishing Alloy Wheels. I have the opportunity to purchase a system complete with air compressor, spray gun & torque wrench. I was told using the spray gun gives a much better finish and doesnt waste as much paint/ laquer as it would straight from a aerosol. The system along with one days training is £1400. Can anyone give me some tips (apart from dont do it!! ) about purchasing the correct paints, compounds, activator etc from a decent car part shop or motor factor other then purchasing the system from a S.M.A.R.T system supplier ? Any repair tips would be much appreciated. Look forward to hearing from you. Cheers, Keith

Any other tips on Alloy Wheel repairs ? Or basically has anyone got more advice on the subject ??