Monday Funnies?

[deani_age]

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a toothpick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp leaves.

A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.

There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."

"No, a straw," says the Tramp.

The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.

To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already".

My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.

We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on her forehead.

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."

He replied, "No, just having a s*it."

Lady in labour, shouting the usual s*it, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you f**ker!"

He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your ar*e, but you said, '**ck off it'll be too painful

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

A dog is truly a man's best friend.

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?

We call our grandad "Spiderman".

He hasn't got any super powers - he just finds it difficult to get out of the bath.

[ScoobyShep]

Drank 10 pints of yogourt today was absolutly 'mullered'

Well it made me chuckle

Edited February 18, 2009 by ScoobyShep

[HairyDJ]

a few there I'd not seen before - keep it up!