some funnies

[RA Dunk]

Pilot conversations

> Tower:"Delta  351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6
>
miles!"
> Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital
>
watches!"
>
> Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement  turn right
45
> degrees."
> TWA  2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How
much
> noise can we make up  here?"
> Tower: "Sir, have you  ever
heard the noise a 747
> makes when it hits a 727?"
>
> From an
unknown  aircraft waiting in a very long
> takeoff line: "I'm f...ing
bored!"
> Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft
> transmitting,
identify yourself immediately!"
> Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing 
bored, not
> f...ing stupid!"
>
> O'Hare  Approach Controlto
a  747: "United 329
> heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock,
three
> miles, Eastbound."
> United 329:  "Approach, I've always
wanted to say
> this... I've got the little Fokker in 
sight."
>
> A student became lost during a solo
cross-country
> flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft
on
> radar, ATC asked, "What was  your last known
>
position?"
> Student: "When I was number one for 
takeoff."
>
> A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had
an
> exceedingly  long roll out after touching down.
> San 
JoseTowerNoted: "American 751, make a hard
> right turn at the end of the 
runway, if you are
> able.  If you are not able, take the
Guadeloupeexit
> off Highway 101, make a right at the  lights and
>
return to the airport."
>
> A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for  start
clearance in
> Munich, overheard the following:
> Lufthansa (in
German):  "Ground,  what is our start
> clearance time?"
> Ground
(in English): "If you want an  answer you
> must speak in
English."
> Lufthansa  (in English): "I am a  German, flying a
>
German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak
> English?"
> Unknown
voice from another plane (in a beautiful
> British accent): "Because  you
lost the bloody war!"
>
>
> Tower:  "Eastern 702, cleared  for
takeoff, contact
> Departure on frequency 124.7"
> Eastern 702: 
"Tower, Eastern 702  switching to
> Departure. By the way, after we lifted
off we saw
> some kind of dead  animal on the far end of the
>
runway."
> Tower:  "Continental 635, cleared  for takeoff
> behind
Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency
> 124.7.  Did  you copy that
report from Eastern 702?"
>
> Continental 635:  "Continental  635,
cleared for
> takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've
>
already  notified our caterers."
>
> One day the pilot of a Cherokee
180 was told by  the
> tower to hold short of the active runway while
a
> DC-8 landed. The DC-8  landed, rolled out, turned
> around, and
taxied back past the Cherokee. Some
> quick-witted comedian in the DC-8
crew got on the
> radio and said,
>
> "What  a cute little
plane. Did you make it all by
> yourself?"
> The Cherokee pilot, 
not about to let the insult go
> by, came back with a real zinger: "I made
it out  of
> DC-8 parts.  Another landing like yours and I'll
> have
enough parts for  another one."
>
> The German air controllers at
FrankfurtAirportare
> renowned as a short-tempered  lot. They not
only
> expect one to know one's gate parking location, but
> how to 
get there without any assistance from them.
> So it was with some
amusement that  we (a Pan Am
> 747) listened to the following exchange
between
> Frankfurtground control and a British Airways 747,
> call 
sign: Speedbird 206.
>
> Speedbird 206:  " Frankfurt, Speedbird
206!  Clear
> of active  runway."
> Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi
to gate Alpha
> One-Seven."
> The BA 747  pulled onto the main
taxiway and slowed
> to a stop.
> Ground:  "Speedbird, do you not 
know where you are
> going?"
> Speedbird  206:  "Stand by, Ground,
I'm looking up
> our gate location  now."
> Ground (with quite
arrogant  impatience): "Speedbird
> 206, have you not been to
Frankfurtbefore?"
> Speedbird 206 (coolly):  "Yes,  twice in 1944,
but
> it was dark, -- And I didn't land."
>
> While taxiing
at  London's GatwickAirport, the crew
> of a US Air flight departing for 
Ft.Lauderdalemade
> a wrong turn and came nose  to nose with a
United
> 727.
> An irate female ground controller lashed out at 
the
> US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell
> are you
going?  I  told you to turn right onto
> Charlie taxiway!  You turned
right on Delta! Stop
> right there.  I know it's difficult for you to
tell
> the  difference between C and D, but get it right!"
>
Continuing her rage to the  embarrassed crew, she
> was now shouting
hysterically: "God!  Now you've
> screwed everything up!  It'll take
forever to sort
> this out!  You stay  right there and don't move
till
> I tell you to!  You can expect progressive  taxi
>
instructions in about half an hour, and I want you
> to go exactly where
I  tell you, when I tell you,
> and how I tell you!  You got that, US Air
2771?"
> "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
> Naturally, the
ground control  communications
> frequency fell terribly silent after the
verbal
> bashing of US Air  2771.  Nobody wanted to chance
>
engaging the irate ground controller in her  current
> state of mind. 
Tension in every cockpit out around
> Gatwick was  definitely running
high.  Just then an
> unknown pilot broke the silence and  keyed
his
> microphone, asking:
> "Wasn't I married to you once?"

[boris b]

Very good mate.

Seeing as i work in Edinburgh Airport and listen to the conversations of pilots and tower all day they can be a funny lot when talking to each other...Think it must be the stress of the job ....

[scientific steve]

Very good mate.

Seeing as i work in Edinburgh Airport and listen to the conversations of pilots and tower all day they can be a funny lot when talking to each other...Think it must be the stress of the job ....

 

or they could still be ripped from the night before []

[wheelchairscooby]

ferry funny m8 i enjoyed reading that[]