Tuesday funny stuff

[glen_miller]

CONVINCE neighbours
that you own an old fashioned typewriter by wearing metal thimbles and
drumming your fingers on a plastic tray. Every ten seconds ting a wine
glass with a pencil and run a butter knife along the teeth of a comb
before continuing drumming your fingers.

 TAME budgies
and parrots easily by replacing their grit with iron filings. By
holding a large magnet, they will sit hapilly on your hand for hours.

GENTLEMEN. Avoid
any unnecessary scrotal surgery by removing any genital piercings
before using the 'Black Hole' water flume at Butlins, Bognor Regis.

SMOKERS. Enjoy
seemingly longer holidays by stopping smoking on your first day off,
making every day thereafter appear to be 72 hours long.

ELDERLY drivers. Pressing
the pedal on your right will make your car go a little faster. Forget
all that rubbish about suffocating at speeds above 15mph, it was all a
myth.

BUS drivers. Increase
the number of people who believe you when you cite traffic as an excuse
for your late arrival by not stopping halfway through a route to
exchange a racist joke with a passing colleague.

WHEN cooking
spaghetti, tie all the ends together. That way you can eat it in one
long suck, eliminating the drudgery of washing up knives and forks.

[baser999]

 WHEN cooking spaghetti, tie all the ends together. That way you can eat it in one long suck, eliminating the drudgery of washing up knives and forks. 

Didn't realise that you could still buy short lengths of spaghetti.............been buying mine on a roll for years lol 

[glen_miller]

 WHEN cooking spaghetti, tie all the ends together. That way you can eat it in one long suck, eliminating the drudgery of washing up knives and forks. 

Didn't realise that you could still buy short lengths of spaghetti.............been buying mine on a roll for years lol 

LMFAO!