Thursday funny...

[glen_miller]

A woman is in bed with her lover who happens to be her husband's best

friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just

laying there, the phone rings.

Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover

looks at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation ...

She is speaking in a cheery voice "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you

called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds

terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."

She hangs up the telephone, and her lover asks, "Who was that? Oh, she

replies, that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time

he's having with you on his fishing trip.

[glen_miller]

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how

many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well,

son, there are three kinds of breasts.

In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After 50, they are like onions".

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases.

In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.

After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree".

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."

[topher51]

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying her flowers. The Redhead sighs and says: "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again." The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: "You don't like  getting flowers from your boyfriend?" The redhead replies: "I love getting flowers, but he always  has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." 

 -

-

 The blonde says: ........

 

 

 

 

"Don't you have a vase?"

[topher51]

An older couple go to the Doctor. He asks the husband if sex is still

good, and if he has any questions.

'In fact, I do,' said the old man.

'After having sex with my wife I'm usually hot and sweaty, and then,

after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually cold and

chilly?'

Surprised he can still do it twice, the Doc then sees the wife.

After examining the elderly wife, the doctor said, 'Everything appears

to be fine'.

Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: "Your husband has an unusual concern.

He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you

the first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time.

Do you know why?.

'Crazy old fart,' she replied. "That's because the first time is

usually in July and the second time is in December"

[topher51]

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest leebo77]

[]LOL.

[Dalthegooner]

Couple of oldoes and a couple of newies but all good []