glen_miller Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?" "We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied. "We just love the chocolate around them." Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said: "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Andy replied, "I'm not sure. What was her maiden name?" Two flies in a teapot, which one's pregnant? The one up the spout. What do you call an exploding monkey? A Baboom. [][][]
baser999 Posted April 16, 2007 Posted April 16, 2007 An old'un..............two fat blokes sitting at the bar. One says to the other " you're round" to which the second guy replies "....and you're a fat basta*d"
topher51 Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST Count every " F " in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS... (SEE BELOW) HOW MANY ? WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down. The reasoning behind is further down. The brain cannot process "OF". Incredible or what? Go back and look again!! Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare.
topher51 Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
topher51 Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 What do you see? In black you can read the word GOOD, in white the word EVIL (inside each black letter is a white letter). It's all very physiological too, because it visualizes the concept that good can't exist without evil (or the absence of good is evil ).
topher51 Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine." By this time, Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Bruce won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far." Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.
Dalthegooner Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 PMSL [] Some crackers there [Y] And it took me about 6 read through's to get all 6 F's [:$] Bloody of''s []
woody-cdas Posted April 17, 2007 Posted April 17, 2007 PMSL - good ones Chris. I got 6 F's first time [8-|] but then the same one came up at a course I was on earlier this year.
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