Wednesday funny(18+)

[glen_miller]

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a Flower Show was in progress.

One leaned over and said to the other, "Life is so darned boring; we never have any fun anymore.

For £5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid Flower Show!"

"You're on!" said the other old lady holding up a £5.00 note.

The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes
and, completely nude, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the
front door of the Flower Show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.

The naked and smiling old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.

"I won 1st Prize as Best Dried Arrangement!"[]

Out of interest(yours!)how offensive can the jokes be?[

 

[Guest leebo77]

LOL.  V.Funny.

Regards to offensive, I'd say nothing really but I'm sure Granby our friendly mod will clarify.

[granby]

lol

Didn't find it offensive 

[glen_miller]

lol

Didn't find it offensive 

lol,not that one,this one... 

 Three vampires walk into a bar and order drinks.

The first vampire asks for blood.

The second vampire asks for blood.

The third vampire asks for some hot water.

The bartender is baffled. "Why don't you want blood like everyone else?"

"Because," says the third vampire, pulling out a USED tampon, "I'm making tea."

[] 

[granby]

Probably getting near the mark

As i rough guide i would say jokes that you send by text to people are normally to offensive (if you get my drift [])

[ROAR]

THAT WASN'T OFFENSIVE THAT WAS JUST GROSS

[glen_miller]

Probably getting near the mark

As i rough guide i would say jokes that you send by text to people are normally to offensive (if you get my drift [])

Ok m8,i get the picture,won't happen again[Y] 

[markie]

lol

Didn't find it offensive 

lol,not that one,this one... 

 Three vampires walk into a bar and order drinks.

The first vampire asks for blood.

The second vampire asks for blood.

The third vampire asks for some hot water.

The bartender is baffled. "Why don't you want blood like everyone else?"

"Because," says the third vampire, pulling out a USED tampon, "I'm making tea."

[] 

[+o(]

[baser999]

This is offensive, but only beacause it features Harry Redknapp.......

HR sent scouts around the world looking for young talent that he hoped would save his beloved Portsmouth FC. One of the scouts spotted a young Iraqi who he thought could be a potential superstar. Harry went to Baghdad to watch him and agreed and the lad was signed up. Couple of weeks later Pompey are 4-0 down to Man Utd with only 20 mins to play so Harry decides to send his new star on. He's an absolute sensation, scoring 5 goals and winning the game for Pompey.

When he comes off the pitch he phones his mum. "Hello Mum, guess what? I got my first game today and we were 4-0 down to Man Utd but I scored 5 goals to secure our victory. Everyone loves me, the manager, the players, the fans, the media.....they all love me " "Wonderful" she replies, "now let me tell you about our day............

Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters all whilst you were having a great time"

The lad is very upset. "What can I say mum..........I'm so so sorry"

"Sorry, is that all you can say, sorry........it's your fault we had to move to Portsmouth in the first place!"

 

 

" 

[Guest leebo77]

LMAO []

[glen_miller]

PMSL[Y]

[Baz69birds]

SOME OF YOU HEARD THIS TODAY.

 

a man kills a deer & brings it home and cooks it for dinner,

But he doesnt tell the children what it is, he told them he would give them a clue.

" its what your mummy calls me sometimes"

the little girl CRIES out " DONT EAT IT , DONT EAT IT,  its a Fv(kin A$$Hole"

[Dalthegooner]

PMSL []