Tuesday funnies

[baser999]

Hello...welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you're obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you're co-dependent get someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you're paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want....wait on line whilst we trace your call. If you're schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you're manic-depressive,it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer. If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random. If you're phobic, don't press anything. Finally if you're anally retentive.....please hold. Thank you for calling.

The psychologist was doing his daily ward rounds when he entered the room and found Patient 1 sitting on the floor pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient 2 was hanging from the ceiling by his feet. The shrink asked Patient 1 what he was doing. "Can't you see, I'm sawing a piece of wood in half".  He then asked him what Patient 2 was doing to which he replied  "Oh he's my friend but he's a little crazy and he thinks he's a light-bulb". The shrink looked up, saw that Patient 2 was by now very red in the face and said to Patient 1 "....if he's your friend, don't you think you should help him down from there before he hurts himself? " Patient 1 replies "What? and work in the dark?"

[markie]

[] pmsl @ 2nd joke

[Guest leebo77]

LOL.  Very good (suitable). []

[glen_miller]

[]