Friday funnies

[baser999]

Two men walking towards each other both dragging their right foot. As they meet one looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says "Iraqi conflict 2006" . The other points behind him and replies "dogs crap 20 feet"

 

Its 1930 and a couple go along to an airshow. The man asks how much it would cost to go up in the bi-plane. "£50 for 10 minutes" was the reply. He thinks then says its too dear. The pilot then says that he'll take the couple up in the plane for free provided they don't utter a word for the duration of the flight, otherwise they'll be charged the full rate. The couple agreed and went up for a really wild ride. After they'd landed the pilot said "I have to congratulate you for not making a sound....you are an extremely brave man" "Maybe so" said the man "but I gotta say I nearly yelled when the wife fell out"

[Guest leebo77]

PMSL.  Very good.

[Baz69birds]

[]

good good

[frank c]

LOL at the second one )

[gina_winder]

Age prevails<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her

faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles

discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading

rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some

bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the

bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about

to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious

leopard!

I wonder if there are any more around here?"

 Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of

 terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the

 leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby

tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for

protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him

heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something

must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans

and

strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here,

monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving

canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and

 thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits

down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet,

and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another

leopard!

 Moral of this story....

 Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth

and skill! Bullsh1t and brilliance only come with age and experience.

 I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more youthfully challenged?