O/T Caught Speeding

[STi_Bandit]

While I was driving down the M8 the other day, (going a little 

faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a

policeman on the other side with a radar gun, laying in wait. The policeman

pulled me over, walked up to the car and with that classic, patronising

smirk, asked:

"Runway too short Sir?"

To which I replied. "I'm late for work"

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher" I responded.

The policeman was surprised and confused.

"A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said "I start by inserting one finger then I work my way up to

two fingers, then three, then four then with my whole hand in, work side to

side until I can stretch and stretch and then I slowly but surely stretch

the hole until it's about 6 feet"

Then the policeman asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do

you do with a six-foot ar sehole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give it a radar gun and park it behind a

Bridge!"

Speeding ticket: £105

Court Costs: £45

Look on copper's face: Priceless!

[andy]

One of the best ones I heard - allegedly true, but most likely an urban myth.

Guy gets pulled over for speeding. Into the back of the old polis car

Guy: "You know I once applied to join the force"

Old Bill: "Yeah? Didn't make the grade, did you?"

Guy: "No. They turned me down when they found out my parents were married"

[]

[RA Dunk]

^^^ PMSL!!^^^ []

[ScoobyAndy]

pmsl. both very amusing

[scientific steve]

One of the best ones I heard - allegedly true, but most likely an urban myth.

Guy gets pulled over for speeding. Into the back of the old polis car

Guy: "You know I once applied to join the force"

Old Bill: "Yeah? Didn't make the grade, did you?"

Guy: "No. They turned me down when they found out my parents were married"

[]

one similar to the above but ends with

guy =   No, they turned me down after they found out that I was circumcised

old bill = Why's that then?

guy =   You have to be a complete C@ck to be a copper

[]

 

[steven_williams]

Bitchy but nice. [][]