I'm Bored - But These Cheered Me Up

[deani_age]

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"No, she can order for herself."

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I replied "Your eyesight's just about perfect."

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light with the £10.00 I gave her for Xmas

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her behind look big.

I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

[Scooby Hoo?]

[ScoobyShep]