Monday Funnys, via tex

[Baz69birds]

I'm well pee'd off,

Some idiot has just drove into my car in one of them new Skoda's

There's F**king Jam & Sponge everywhere!!!!

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Bloke goes to Doctors havin problems Premature ejaculations,

Is told when he feels your self coming, give yourself a fright,

By firing a starter pistol in the air,to prolong sex.

2 days later the doctor see him & asks how it went?

Bloke says not good,

i did a 69er then felt my self start to cum,

so i fired the,

My wife Sh1t on my face,

Bit my bellend off,

& the milkman came out the wardrobe with his hands up!

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FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP.

1. Its important to have a woman who helps @ home, cooks,cleans & has a job

2. Its Important to have a woman who you can trust & doesnt lie,

3. Its Important to have a woman who can make you laugh,

4. Its Important to have a woman who is good in bed & likes being with you,

5. Its VERY VERY Important that these four woman DONT know each other

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A Woman was in a coma for serveral months,

When one day the Nurse noticed a slight response while washing her Fanny,

They rushed to her Husband & Explained, Suggesting a little oral Sex might bring her round,

To which he agreed,

A few minutes later her monitor Flat lined, No Pulse or Heart rate.

The nurse rushed in "WHAT HAPPENED" she cried,

The Husband said "i'm not sure, i think she may have Chocked"!

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Two Old Ladies were laying on the beach,

when a Streaker runs past,

One had a STROKE,

The other one couldn't reach.......

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Mary had a Little skirt with splits right up the Sides..

& every time that Mary walked the Boys could see her Thighs,

She also had a Little Blouse that was Old & Torn to Bits..

& Every time she wore it.. the Boys could see here Tits,

Mary had another skirt that was split right up the Front..

But she didnt wear that one very often.

 

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PADDY & his Wife cant get to sleep because of the constant barking by the Neigbours New Dog,

Paddy storms out of the house.

When he comes back he said !Ive Brought the little Ba$tard into our yard, SEE HOW THEY LIKE IT"

[Guest leebo77]

PMSL []

[baser999]

Two nuns in the bath.........."where's the soap?"  "So it does" replies the second nun

Well, no one said they had to be new jokes.

[Dalthegooner]

PMSL []