Gumball Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Thought i would start a joke thread to pass the time. off topic i know but so whit. Whos the best Pro golfer in the wind? Tom Kite Link to comment
4Hero Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 knock knock who's there doctor doctor who Link to comment
wilky Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Hes leaving Friday! Who? Robinson Crusoe. Link to comment
4Hero Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 A dyslexic man walks in to a bra no thats not right [] I'm dyslexic so don't shout at me. Link to comment
st3ph3n Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 A rabbi, a priest and a vicar walk into a bar. The bar man says, is this some sort of joke? Link to comment
Bing Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Jeremy Beadle's got a small penis................................... But on the other hand its quite big Link to comment
vicki Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 "Doctor, doctor I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual." Link to comment
STi_Bandit Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Subaru Music Video werid as Link to comment
wrxmania Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. [] Link to comment
STi_Bandit Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Should look at the other one gus for WTF Link to comment
gus the bus Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Should look at the other one gus for WTF WTF again[][:|] Link to comment
jcscoob Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 2 Irishmen find a mirror lying in the middle of the road. 1st irshman piks it and says "i know this face but cant put a name to it " the 2nd irshman picks it up and says "it's me you daft ba$tard" ! [] Link to comment
jcscoob Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 A wee boy examines his testcles and askes his mum "are these my brains mummy ? " And mummy reply's " not yet son" Link to comment
st3ph3n Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 That standup was David Spade and it has to have been from the 80s. Back then Subaru were making some pretty horrific cars in America. So I don't think you have to be too concerned about it [] Link to comment
Gumball Posted September 21, 2006 Author Share Posted September 21, 2006 Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. [] genuis Link to comment
wilky Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Doctor Doctor, my bottom smells of coconut! (Docotr sniffs the offending bottom) Aye, its bounty. Link to comment
ANDYJDMSTI Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 At a court case at Glasgow Sheriff Court one of the witnesses was German, it soon became apparent that he could speak very little English. The clerk in exasperation asked the gallery if there was anyone who could speak German and translate for the court, a wee glesga punter in the galleries stood up and said "aye m'lord, bob's yer uncle i learnt German during the war" He was motioned forward and told to ask the witness his name, he strolled to the front of the court, cleared his throat and bawled....................."VOT IS YER NAME... EH!" He was subsequently fined for contempt!! [] Link to comment
ANDYJDMSTI Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 A glasgow woman from the west end was staying in a hotel in edinburgh, she called down to the front desk and asked for some pepper. "Certainly madam, black pepper or white pepper?" asked the concierge. " TOILET PEPPER, YA BAM!" yelled the woman. Link to comment
Nelsdir Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 The best Irish joke I've heard...... Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the ConnorPass. At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!" . . . . . . THERE'S MORE... Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hi, Paddy, watch dis," Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!" . . . . . . . IT'S NOT OVER YET... Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and falls down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Paddy shakes his head. "Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... and now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!" arf [] Link to comment
dan_jess Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Hahaha, brilliant so far. Whats red and sits up a tree? A Sanitary Owl! [] Link to comment
dan_jess Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Whats big and green and cant fly? A field!!! Link to comment
craig mac Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Whats big and green and can fly? Jc's Scoob Little variation and ats nae a joke [] Link to comment
craig mac Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Man walks in to a bar and cant belive his eyes[] Runs back out to the street to tell some passers by " There is a bulldog in the with two ar5eholes " A few pop in to look, They see the bulldog but with only one ar5ehole...... "What are you on about you senile old barsteward?" and walk away in disgust[*-)] "Am telling you there is a dog in there with 2 ar5eholes" Fergie walks by...."Sir Alex there is a bulldog in there with 2 ar5ewholes you have to look every one thinks am af ma heed" Sir Alex walks in and comes back out the door and smacks the boy right in the kisser!! "Dont you speak about the Neville brothers like that again" Craig Link to comment
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